A Letter to My Body

(Editor's note: I just discovered the word asservations and really want to use it in daily conversation but recognize that I can't, so I just wanted to drop it in here and improve everyone's vocabularies. Heh heh asservations heh heh.)

Hey Body,

Let's have a quick heart-to-heart. Get it? Because, like, you've got a physical organ labelled the heart and I've got a metaphorical heart and both of them are apparently important to life, except yours is probably more so. Right?

Yeah, I'm going to take your silence as the reason we don't chat more often.

But listen, what I wanted to talk to you about is how we've been getting along lately. I know, I know, I promised you that we'd eat better and exercise more (though you have to admit, you've gotten more workouts since September than you've had in years, right?), but I have to tell you, Body, you're doing well. You've adjusted to the new time zone and the different food and the complete and utter lack of light after 3:30pm. You even put up with me spending hours in the same chair when I'm doing work. You've been really patient, and I appreciate that.

I wanted to tell you that because I know I've been down on you lately. It's not your job to get us noticed and I was expecting that from you and I shouldn't have. Not that you can't, of course! You've been doing a phenomenal job with the hair lately, I think the eyes and the eyebrows have been on point, the nose is solid as always, and, let's be honest, the whole sweater-jeans-boots look suits you. It's just that I felt your heart sink when I compared you to the people around you and reminded you that your friends are prettier than you and of course that's why no one looks at you the way they look at them, you useless sack of dead weight. I was wrong. It was a moment of weakness. Forgive me. Especially for the dead weight thing. Both the dead and the weight parts.

What I'm saying is that if you ever need affirmation, I'm here for you. You're beautiful and wonderful just the way you are. I think it's just that we don't look up, you know? I think that's all it is. We just don't see it. Also, you have immense value and worth outside of the male gaze and I'm very happy that you carry me around from place to place and also allow me to eat stuff and drink whisky. You're lovely and I'd like for you to stick around as long as you'd like.

Love,
Me

PS- Sorry for never putting Neosporin on our cuts.
PPS- And for injecting ink into your skin without asking you. But you've healed up real well!
PPPS- Also for that time I opened up that tupperware and thought, "Eh, this is probably still good" but it wasn't. You and you alone paid the price for that, my friend, and I'll never forget your valor.