The Problem of Greetings

"Hi, how are you?"
"I'm well, and you?"

"How's it going?"
"Good."

"Hello."
"Hi."
"Lovely weather."
"Yeah."

"Hi, can I have a grande mocha?"
"Whip?"
"No, thanks."
"For here or to go?"

*Awkward smile acknowledging interaction*
*Nod and quick return to the task at hand*

These are just a few examples of the many interactions I am prepared for. They happen at grocery stores and at restaurants and really, any given service industry interaction. I ask you how you are, out of an obligation to be polite, and you respond with some generic acknowledgement that your current state of existence is acceptable. And even if you don't, in America, I am prepared for that as well, because I will more than likely be able to understand what you say. If I ask how you are and you tell me that this is the worst day ever because your dog just died, I have the Awkward Arm Pat ready and waiting to go, along with the Sympathy Face.

What I'm not prepared for are the "all rights" that do not sound like they have enough consonants to be those words, the "sittin' in or take-aways" which take me a minute to process even though I know I want my coffee to go, and the variety of other noises that I assume are words that I haven't been able to decipher yet as I get to the checkout line. I had a system back home, Scotland. You have thrown that system out of whack. I could catch flies with the amount of time my mouth is open, trying to figure out how I'm supposed to respond to the question? statement? remark? that someone just made to me.

I think my problem is that I picture adulthood as some kind of magic land where you flawlessly dance from task to task. Adults don't say "you're welcome" when they mean to say "thank you." They are more practiced than that. They're at the very least sure of who and what they are.

Moving to another country takes out one round of that sureness, at least for a little while. I live my life in fear of the behind-the-counter-eye-roll that people in cities have for tourists. I'm not a tourist. I live here. I'm just not great at it yet.

But hey, cashiers and tillers of Edinburgh, I brought literal sunshine with me when I came here. Please accept that as my gift until I've once again perfected the expected social interactions. Here's hoping it'll be a while.

Internet Find of the Week: Really just a quick reminder that this exists in the world: