Reverse Culture Shock

I always rolled my eyes at people who "picked up an accent" after some time abroad. No, my friend, a year is not enough time to change the vowel structure of your speech patterns. You know how you sound. Stop it. 

But then I went and picked up some oddities in my behavioral patterns that come out as I tell stories or try to refer to everyday objects. So, in order to avoid sounding like a pretentious braggart, I'm going to collect all my thoughts on the British-American cultural divide here. From the first couple of days back, at least.

-Flip-flops. Praise be. Boots, you can sit the next couple months out. 

-I don’t worry about taking my passport with me anytime I leave town. I am a citizen. I do not need a visa. I can work for whoever I want, however much I want. 

-I no longer check the currency exchange daily. 

-I just paid $5 for lunch. This is the cheapest meal I’ve had eating out in over a year.

-Tax is included in the prices. I find myself fishing for change whenever I use cash now.

-Waitstaff checks up on you over the course of the meal and tips are suddenly expected again. (Not that I’ll be doing a ton of that as I am a poor student again.)

-Do I bus my own table? I probably bus my own table. No one else is leaving their food trash. Better look for the bin, then. 

-FREE REFILLS. Not confused, really, just pleasantly surprised every time they happen. 

-Oh, you don’t want to see my signature and compare it to my card? That’s fine. That’s normal. That’s what we do. 

-Guilt-free Starbucks.

-Guilt-free McDonalds. 

-I need health insurance now. 

-Why am I awake at 4am? Oh. Because my body does not know what time it is. 

-Light switches INSIDE bathrooms. 

-Ceiling fans. 

-Outlets. 
-The paper is the right size again.

-It’s DARK by 9pm. I knew this would have happened eventually anyway, but I’m thrown off guard by it. 

-I know this is just an Edinburgh problem, but I get distracted by the stars nightly.

-The crickets are so loud. 

-The people are so loud. 

-American flags are everywhere. EVERYWHERE. EVERY. WHERE. 

-Political attack ads. 

-Someone just asked me if I was registered to vote and if I’d moved in the last year. I… yes? and yes? Should I…? Do I…? Listen, I’m just going to go google this.

-Or get distracted by ALL THE SHOWS on American Netflix. 

-“This content is not available in your region.” NOT TODAY, SATAN. 

-No, Safari, I no longer want to use maps.google.uk. Stop suggesting it. 

-“I’ll have a Tennets—Stella—Carlsberg—Uh, do you have Yeungling? Perfect.” 

-It’s 8pm. Why am I so tired? Oh, because my body thinks it’s after midnight. 

-“I’ll have a Coke, please.” *Takes a sip* WHY DOESN’T THIS TASTE LIKE COKE?

-Chips? Crisps? Fries? I don’t know anymore. I just don’t know.

-Salt. I think there’s a layer of salt on everything in America. 

-Butter. 

-ABC stores. 

-Concealed carry notices.

-I’m very aware of my gender when trying to find the restroom in a restaurant. 

-Edinburgh. Pittsburgh. Pittsboro. Carrboro. Greensboro. Edinburgh. 

-I sent that message like three hours ago. Surely they’ve seen it. Why are they not responding? Are they dropping me from their life that quickly? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? Oh. Wait. It’s 2am there. 

-“You wanna FaceTime or…? OR I COULD CALL YOU.”

-“Wanna have a pub day over Skype?”

-I keep on asking for the bin, partially out of habit, partially because I am now aware of how painfully nasal the a’s in “trash can” are. 

-“My new flat— roommates…”

-“I’ll just pop to the loo before we go, shall I?” No, self, you’re going to run to the bathroom. You’re in America now. 

-PANTS. PANTS PANTS PANTS PANTS PANTS PAAAAAAANTS. Fanny. Pants. 

-I don’t want to call it soccer but I can’t call it football… better to not talk about sports at all. 

-OH GOD EVERYONE’S TALKING ABOUT SPORTS. 

-Huh, that word does look better with a u. 

-Why is that word misspelled? Oh. Z. 

-Lord Almighty, everyone here sounds like me. 

-I swear the sun is brighter over here. Squinting all over the place.

-I got sunburnt from driving.

-“Better bring a jacket and a brolly,” I think, grabbing the items on the way out the door fifteen seconds before walking back into the house to drop the items back off again. 

-Seriously, excepting June, it’s been a year since I’ve seen this many elbows and knees out in public. 

-Also, been a year since I’ve seen this wide a variety of skin tones. 

-It's so hot.

-It's SO hot.

-It's like 90 degrees in the shade. (Yeah I used Fahrenheit. SUCK IT, CELSIUS.)

-I think I’m dehydrated literally just from sweating. 

-There’s so much space. 

-Driving in the car on a sunny summer afternoon with the windows down and the Avetts turned up is a familiar kind of heaven, but there’s another kind that involves a pub with friends on a cold and rainy night, listening to the words and sounds of the past year bubble up around me. 

-I have my mountains back, at least for a few days. Explain to me why there’s a near-perfect ache for the Highlands in my gut.