Weather

"How's the weather?"
"Rain."
"Oh."
"Light rain, which is not too bad. Coupla showers."

I'm listening to this conversation as I'm supposed to be studying or reading or something in the library and it exhausts me. Not that I wasn't already exhausted. Not that I haven't been exhausted. But it exhausts me anew. My exhaustion is perennial and it isn't helped by light rain.

God, what I wouldn't give for a thunderstorm.

Not one of these pathetic thunderstorms that we've been having, which are mostly heat lighting and booms and drizzle, but a real deluge, one that lasts all night and rattles the windows. Or better yet, give me rain for days. Soak me in it. Leech all that humidity out of the air and condense it into droplets and let it fall fall fall fall fall until the sky is cried out. It has been so hot lately. So stagnant. You feel like you're swimming when you walk outside. The air is needy and clingy. It's hard to breathe, hard to walk, hard to exist. A coupla showers are not going to fix this. I need the heavens to open up.

But how can I ask for a deluge? At worst, it would cause flooding and at best, traffic delays. Not that I think this is a prayer that would be answered, either, because I don't think the weather or God work like that, but I feel selfish anyway, wanting, needing something that would cause problems for someone else. Best to just deal with the humidity. Shave my legs, wear dresses, make my body presentable for the heat. Carry extra water to replace the gallons that must be escaping through my skin. Make smiley faces in the condensation on windows because if you can't joke about your discomfort, you're not mourning properly.

But all of that requires energy. Energy that I don't have. Energy that I can't find through all this water in the air that refuses to fall. God, if you would just give me one good storm, to clear the air, to electrify me, I promise that I'd be better. I wouldn't just spend the day staring at the drops as they feed into the puddles, I swear. I'd go out and dance in it, splash around, be delighted. Pinky-swear, I would. Just give me the chance. Give me a thunderstorm and I promise I'll be better. God, don't you want me to be better?

In one version of the story, I bet Jonah prayed for the whale.