Transition Train of Thought

Why does my back hurt so much? Oh, because I packed half my worldly possessions into a backpack that I lugged around three countries, then flew on a plane and slept on a less-than-ideal bed, then flew on a couple of planes and slept on a real bed but unpacked and re-packed the other half of my worldly possessions, then drove for seven hours, then moved all my worldly possessions into their new home and then rearranged furniture. Also, I have bad posture and carry my stress in my lower back. Mystery solved.

This'll be fine. It's fine.

I'm not overwhelmed. I'm not nervous. I've done this before. I've done this before in the last year. I can do this. I've done this. I'm fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. I'll just update my bullet journal for the next couple of weeks and...

Why is there nothing after August 27th?

WHY IS THERE NOTHING AFTER AUGUST 27TH???

Okay, calm down. We planned out this journal in June, so of course September seemed too far away to think about. We'll just update it and put all the things we need to do down in a list and then we'll do them and then we'll be sorted for the future. Before you know it, it'll be October and we'll have a routine that's much more substantial than a podcast feed and we'll forget that this whole transition period happened. One step at a time. One day at a time. That's how you build a life. Just stop for a second and breathe and we'll be fine.

I don't have a ruler.

How am I supposed to update my journal without a ruler? My edges won't be straight. I'll look back on these pages and all I'll see is the fact that I couldn't even draw a straight line and you learn how to do that as a child and that means that children are better than me at everything and what's the use of the past TWENTY YEARS OF MY LIFE if I CAN'T EVEN DRAW A STRAIGHT LINE?

If I run my hands through my hair one more time, I think I'm going to go bald.

At least my nails are short so I can't tear my scalp to pieces or nervously scratch my eyebrows off.

Okay, clearly I'm a little overly jittery. No more caffeine today. Lesson learned. Box checked. We're going to be fine.

This would be so much easier with someone else.

Nope, not gonna go down that mental rabbit hole right now. One step at a time. Breathe in. Breathe out. Make a list.

Books. DMV. Job search. Church search. Budget. Plan weekends out of town. Tick through this all today and tomorrow because you've got orientation on Friday and--

What am I going to wear to orientation? It's going to be so hot. We're going to walk around. Do I have anything appropriate? Where did all my fancy clothes go? Can I wear a dress? Would that be weird? All my dresses are wrinkled. Where is my iron? I didn't pack my iron, did I? Does the laundry room have an iron? Why do all my clothes smell like this? Why don't I smell like me anymore? And it's not like I can just open up a window-- I'm not paying to air condition the outdoors. Maybe just some air movement? I don't have a ceiling fan. I DON'T HAVE A CEILING FAN. DC, YOU'RE BUILT ON A *^&%$#** SWAMP. WHY DON'T YOU HAVE CEILING FANS?

I'm doing so well.

I'll just go over to Facebook for a hot second, say hello to some people, get a little social distraction in. And I can do some research while I talk. It'll be good. It'll ground me. It'll remind me of... of good things, right? Connections. Friends. Funny things. It'll be good.

Books. DMV. Jobs. Church. Weekend plans. Conversations. Articles. Articles. Election thinkpiece.  Buzzfeed penguin "article". Parking map.

If I open another tab, I'm going to scream.

You know what? Let's take half an hour and just not be fine. No one's home. We'll just turn up the music and come back to the list in thirty minutes. Have a bit of a singalong. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in...

"I'M TAKING THIS HORSE BY THE REINS MAKING RED COATS REDDER WITH BLOODSTAINS AND I'M NEVER GONNA STOP UNTIL I MAKE 'EM DROP AND BURN 'EM UP AND SCATTER THE REMAINS YEAH"

Lafayette, you never let me down.

Oh, hey, lunchtime! Ham and cheese, here I come!

This is going to be fine. I'm fine.

I got this.